Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
