Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
