You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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