I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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