Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
