I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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