So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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