Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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