I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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