hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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