It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
