i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize