Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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