That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
