U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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