He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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