how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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