She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
