He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
