Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
