cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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