Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
