Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
