Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize