I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize