this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize