Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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