got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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