Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
