I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
