ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
