Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
