Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
