Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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