we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
