3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
