My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
