i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
