You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
