Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
