i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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