i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize