Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
