i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
