I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
