i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
