I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
