God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
