There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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