she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
