I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
