No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
