.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
