Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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