I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
