is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize