I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
