im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
