yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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