I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
