Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
