Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
