Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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