So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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