Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
