she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
