A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
