You're so nebulous sometimes
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize