Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
