I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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