I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he shaved USA in his pubs
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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