apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
